Growing up slowly

I read an article on CNN the other day that could very well have been written by me, save for the marriage, divorce, and siblings.  No, the root of the article addressed an issue that many in my generation fight on a daily basis.  We've grown up being compared to our friends, classmates, family members...anyone our parents may have considered as belonging to our peer group.

While it's healthy to foster a need to strive for success in children, doing so in a caring, supportive, and non-damaging way is important.

I'm not going to run down a list of all the things adults said to me in my youth that hurt my feelings (let's be honest, I was usually the Golden Child until my early adult years).  But there were moments when I was reminded of my fallibility:  my legs weren't long enough to become a ballerina, I wasn't the prettiest girl in the class, and I still don't know how to whistle.  I'm lucky, though, that my parents weren't the type to beat me into the ground for being less than perfect. 

Not everyone is, though.  BD, one of my closest friends from high school, spent the better part of his formative years being reminded by his parents that he wasn't as smart or athletic as his next door neighbor.  As an adult, he subconsciously questions his worth as a project manager, as a boyfriend, even as a friend.  We've spent countless hours on the phone talking about how he feels inadequate in his new relationship because he's still not as smart or athletic or social or...whatever as others around him.  He is, he just doesn't believe it. 

I'm not blaming anyone for BD's self-esteem issues.  He's a grown man, and leaving childhood issues behind - growing up from them - is something I believe necessary for mature development.  But I do think that a lot of his problems stem from rarely being nurtured in ways that counted.  He didn't need trophies for participating or giant parties to celebrate the passing of time.  He needed a pat on the shoulder, a "Good job, son."  Just once, just when he got an A in a hard class or made a game-saving play on the soccer field or cleaned the kitchen exceptionally well.

It's because there was a lot of "Why can't you be more like..." than "I'm proud of you" that he finds it hard to accept validation from anyone else:  he didn't get it from his parents, so why should he be worthy of it from his friends?

It's time that all of us grow up from our childhoods.  It's time that we take a look at the adults who've been more negative than nurturing and realize that they're from a different generation and learn from their mistakes.  It's time that we turn it around and give ourselves the support we should've had, so we can be the people we were meant to be.

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[wuting]

We've spent countless hours on the phone talking about how he feels inadequate in his new relationship because he's still not as smart or athletic or social or...whatever as others around him. DCUO Cash